Spread the gospel
of Pirate Jesus!
Pirate Jesus was a revelation I had
in 2003 while watching a VHS of Jurassic Park III I had borrowed from
my local library.
"The only thing that could save this movie is if Jesus appeared and beat up the dinosaurs using superman powers", I thought.
The confusion of Jesus and Superman is not without precedent. Neil Gaiman's Sandman graphic novels at one point feature a dream sequence that goes from "The sun of God, dying for the planet's sins." to "The last son of a dying planet." Homer Simpson has been known to pray to Superman for salvation. MTV's now long dead sketch comedy show The State had a sketch called "The Adventures of Young God and Wonderboy".
Then there were my thoughts on modern American archetypes. The old archetypes are still perfectly valid. The Chief, the Priest, the Storyteller. But what about the Ninja, the Cowboy, and most importantly, the Pirate? These mostly long-dead subcultures have translated into a complete description of identity. We don't need to get to know a pirate to know he is a blood-thirsty, yet jolly criminal with contempt for land-lubbers and a fondness for cheap drink. Black and white identity, title dictating behavior, judging a book by its cover. These things all appeal to the modern American. It may be flawed, but it makes it easier for us to concentrate on important things like fashion, and who celebrities are dating.
So now, all I have to do is find the most important grains of truth in all of the most important tales ever told by the westernized world, and then plant them together using characters from the New Testament, and the most important modern archetypes.
Christianity is no stranger to revisionist myth making. Angels and the modern concept of the Devil as God's adversary were added to Judaism under the influence of Zoroastrianism. The communion and the idea of Transubstantiation comes from rituals of other religions performed in ancient Rome. The Christian versions of Christmas, Easter, and Halloween are all the result of Christianity's syncretisation with European folk religions. The virgin birth is a result of mistranslations and the absorption of stories from other religions such as the cult of Mithras. Even the name Jesus is a result of translating a Hebrew name to Greek, then Latin, then English. The name "Jebus", brought into our vocabulary by The Simpsons and The Family Guy (They made a different joke involving a misprint in the Bible, and I'm not sure which show did it first) isn't that much more different than "Jesus" from YHShWH (Yeshua)
Pirate Jesus is all about reshuffling the cards of our culture in order to find the purest and most universal truth. That is why it is being told in the world's freest forum, the Internet, and in humanities most noble and righteous medium, the comic strip.
So sit back and enjoy the new religion of Pirate Jesus.
"The only thing that could save this movie is if Jesus appeared and beat up the dinosaurs using superman powers", I thought.
The confusion of Jesus and Superman is not without precedent. Neil Gaiman's Sandman graphic novels at one point feature a dream sequence that goes from "The sun of God, dying for the planet's sins." to "The last son of a dying planet." Homer Simpson has been known to pray to Superman for salvation. MTV's now long dead sketch comedy show The State had a sketch called "The Adventures of Young God and Wonderboy".
Then there were my thoughts on modern American archetypes. The old archetypes are still perfectly valid. The Chief, the Priest, the Storyteller. But what about the Ninja, the Cowboy, and most importantly, the Pirate? These mostly long-dead subcultures have translated into a complete description of identity. We don't need to get to know a pirate to know he is a blood-thirsty, yet jolly criminal with contempt for land-lubbers and a fondness for cheap drink. Black and white identity, title dictating behavior, judging a book by its cover. These things all appeal to the modern American. It may be flawed, but it makes it easier for us to concentrate on important things like fashion, and who celebrities are dating.
So now, all I have to do is find the most important grains of truth in all of the most important tales ever told by the westernized world, and then plant them together using characters from the New Testament, and the most important modern archetypes.
Christianity is no stranger to revisionist myth making. Angels and the modern concept of the Devil as God's adversary were added to Judaism under the influence of Zoroastrianism. The communion and the idea of Transubstantiation comes from rituals of other religions performed in ancient Rome. The Christian versions of Christmas, Easter, and Halloween are all the result of Christianity's syncretisation with European folk religions. The virgin birth is a result of mistranslations and the absorption of stories from other religions such as the cult of Mithras. Even the name Jesus is a result of translating a Hebrew name to Greek, then Latin, then English. The name "Jebus", brought into our vocabulary by The Simpsons and The Family Guy (They made a different joke involving a misprint in the Bible, and I'm not sure which show did it first) isn't that much more different than "Jesus" from YHShWH (Yeshua)
Pirate Jesus is all about reshuffling the cards of our culture in order to find the purest and most universal truth. That is why it is being told in the world's freest forum, the Internet, and in humanities most noble and righteous medium, the comic strip.
So sit back and enjoy the new religion of Pirate Jesus.